His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
