Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
