Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize