I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Alive.
So much puke
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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