I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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