I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
