Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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