my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
