Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
