Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
