i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
