I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
