I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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