she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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