Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
