I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
