I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
