And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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