She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
