My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
