I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
