Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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