Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
