my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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