better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
