I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
