i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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