My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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