talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
