my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
