remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize