Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
