He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
