just come out here and I will go home with you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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