YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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