smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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