he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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