to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
