i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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