I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize