Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
