im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
