I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
