Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize