I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
