i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
