What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
