Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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