just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
