she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize