textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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