It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize