Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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