Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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