I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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