I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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