I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
