he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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