The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
