listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
