why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
