My liver just broke up with me...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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