I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
