i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
