Can i not drive my cunt home
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
