I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
COCAINE IS GR8
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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